


Panlan Pandemonium

by baehj2915



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Airplane Sex, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, F/M, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panlan, Scanlan-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 12:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baehj2915/pseuds/baehj2915
Summary: For Critical Role Rare Pair Week 2017, I'm tarting up my favorite boy.A different Scanlan pairing forevery dayevery time I feel capable of writing a thing.





	Panlan Pandemonium

**Author's Note:**

> have some grog/scanlan for m/m day of rarepair week. we've got size difference, dick jokes, human au so the size difference isn't like too painful, low int scores, and genuine trust and care and the single best relationship dynamics in the group. 
> 
> it's airplane sex because i rolled a rory's story cube and it landed on airplane. le shrug. 
> 
> ENJOY SOME GROG DICK!! 
> 
>  
> 
> ~*~

Nearly an hour after take-off, a sound like a subvocal whine came from Grog when they hit a bit of turbulence and it was really the wall of Scanlan’s tolerance. 

It was Grog’s first plane trip. Leading up to it he’d been more or less excited. Then after wheels up Grog had slowly paled and started pretending very hard that nothing was wrong. Scanlan knew something was, however, because Grog was a terrible liar, especially when that lie wasn’t accompanied by a threat. He kept looking out the window, snapping his attention to the back of the chair, breathing heavily, and casually mentioning how they could take the bus back for cheaper. Scanlan had asked a few times already if Grog needed anything to watch or eat, asking him conversation starters, but he was even too distracted for that. 

Scanlan knew he should’ve swiped some of Kiki’s Xanax. 

“Hey, Groggy-poo. Why don’t you tell me about your lifts?”

“Huh? 

“You know, dumbbells, power squats, turbo lunges. Give me the down low on the grind. How’s your proteins? What’s cross fit doing?” 

He hoped that would work, partially because that mostly expended his exercise vocabulary list, but Grog just looked at him with confused puppy dog eyes, white-knuckling both arm rests. “Uhhh, it’s good. Doing… good.” 

“Oh boy. Do you need the barf bag?” 

Grog tried for a dismissive laugh, like jumping from one rooftop to another, except falling short and falling onto a dumpster in an alley. “No! What are you talking about? I’m fine!” And he added in his quiet squeaky, afraid-and-trying-to-hide-it voice, “Don’t say barf, bro. That’s gross.” 

Grog usually only used that voice in front of Pike, who had no problems reassuring him ever. But since they were taking this flight to go see her, there was an inherent flaw in the standard fix. Scanlan could see all the veins in Grog’s arms as he gripped the arm rests. And he was slightly afraid Grog was going to win that strength test. 

“It’s fine to be scared, but we’re totally safe up here, big guy. I’ve flown dozens of times and nothing’s ever happened yet.” 

The adam’s apple in Grog’s throat bobbed heavily. “Yet?!” 

“Well, shit. That kind of stuff usually works when Pike says it.” 

If it was possible, Grog looked even more distraught. 

Scanlan was starting to feel a little alarmed himself. He loved Grog. He loved every one of the assholes in Vox Machina, but there was no denying he was very and particularly partial to Grog. Grog was one of the very few people that got Scanlan to feel sympathetic pain. Most people Scanlan liked, even a lot, and their problems were always somewhat theoretical to him. But when it came to Kaylie and Juniper, Pike and Grog—when they were in distress, Scanlan was in distress. 

The problem here was Scanlan’s usual tactic in making Grog feel better was taking him out to a bar or getting some action going for him or throwing a party or playing Mario Kart. None of those were immediately available. 

Of course, as he watched Grog swallow nervously again, and a sheen of sweat appear on his forehead, there was always another tactic he could use to get Grog to chill out. One Scanlan was much more familiar with, albeit only a few times recently with Grog. Still, convincing him with words not to worry didn’t seem to be doing much. 

Scanlan made a decision, and bumped Grog’s elbow. It wasn’t hard to do—given Grog’s size about a quarter of him was also in Scanlan’s chair space. He stretched up and whispered in Grog’s ear. “Why don’t you go in the bathroom, take a few deep breaths, splash some water on your face. Then, you know, I’ll come in and help you out.” 

Grog only looked puzzled. “I can wash my own face, Scanlan.” 

Scanlan held back his first three comments. “I mean, just go in the bathroom. And wait. You know what I mean?” 

Grog shook his head. “I don’t want to shit on a plane. I heard that the air pressure can suction your ass to the toilet seat.” 

Scanlan took a deep breath. “Grog, look at me. I mean, if it would help you. Go in the bathroom and wait _for me_. I can help you relax.” Scanlan stuck his tongue in his cheek and mimed giving a blowie just to make everything clear without the octogenarian across the aisle calling the flight attendant on them. “Y’feel me now?” 

Grog’s eyebrows were still riding a high arc on his face, but he looked less like he was trying to subtly rip the arm rests off the chair. 

To be perfectly honest, Scanlan didn’t know if he’d go for it. They weren’t, like, a couple and never would be. But they had gotten off a few times together in very different circumstances than this one. Circumstances that could allow a man who unironically wore a t-shirt that said “I do two things: gains and girls” to do some pretty gay stuff. It had only started because one woman Scanlan had been trying to wingman for Grog, Lana, a parks service co-worker of Vex, didn’t want to choose between either of them. Lana arranged a thing between the three of them a few times and in the midst of a threesome things can get a bit complicated for a guy like Grog, who claimed never to have touched or kissed another man before Scanlan. Still, usually late in the early morning after several beers and a bit of pornography, they’d shared a few fistfuls of ménage weeks after their trois girl stopped calling them back. They never talked about what it was, or asked each other in advance about it. So this was far outside of the norm for them. 

Grog worried his bottom lip. His eyes darted between Scanlan’s eyes, the window next to him, and Scanlan’s mouth. Finally, Grog nodded, hesitated like he was waiting for Scanlan to say something, but got up and went to the airplane toilets. 

Scanlan waited less than he thought was judicious because he was impatient, and knocked quietly on the door he’d seen Grog enter. 

Grog whispered from the side, “Who is it?” 

“Just open the door,” Scanlan hissed as quietly as he could. As soon as he slipped in, he was essentially breathing into Grog’s chest. There was no space but Grog’s personal space. “What, did you forget I was coming?” 

Now Grog was less pale and more red. “What if you had been, like, some kid?” 

“Then nothing. It’s not like your dick was out. You can always bluff your way out of anything so long as your dick isn’t out. That’s my advice for the day.” Scanlan took the condom out of his wallet and tore the wrapper with his teeth. “Point of no return?” 

Grog licked his lips nervously and nodded. “I wanna, but, like, can we get arrested for this? Don’t all flights have an air marshall on them? Pike will be pissed if we get arrested.” 

Scanlan actually hadn’t thought about that, but the idea of him actually, after all these years, being arrested for one of his many semi-public acts of lewdness seemed so remote as to be impossible. “Look, this isn’t my first time in the mile-high club. Granted, it’s easier to get away with when you’re screwing the flight staff, but this is not a high stakes caper. It’s not even gonna get complicated because for a limited time only, you’re absolved from reciprocation. If you’re quiet and quick, no one will notice, let alone be able to prove anything.” 

Grog frowned, but less hesitantly. “What do you mean, quick?” 

Scanlan laughed and started massaging the outline of Grog’s dick through his jeans. “Yeah, we can’t be leisurely. But if I’m doing it right, and I always do, you won’t be able to devote any thought to telling time.” 

In a flurry of too many hands without enough room, they managed to undo Grog’s jeans and push them and his under armour down to his knees. Scanlan had thought about how to give Grog a blowjob since the first time Lana had gotten them to strip in front of her. Grog was _big_. Scanlan liked a challenge, but anything beyond fast and sloppy was pretty much out of the question. They were under time constraints and deep-throating Grog’s porn ready, advanced level dick was something he’d have to work up to, if at all. Part of him wanted to feel the texture of it on his tongue, but he actually had some idea of where that thing had been. So safety first, he rolled the condom down the base of Grog’s cock and gripped it. 

He made some smooth, firm strokes, pushing Grog against the wall and pushing himself into Grog. Scanlan slid down to his knees. Looming and bobbing right in front of his face, Grog’s dick was imposing. He might’ve overcompensated in his approach because of that. He put his mouth on the head and sucked, a bit too hard. Grog let out a “gah!” and his hands, huge and shaking, flew to either side of Scanlan’s head, but didn’t actually touch him. 

Scanlan held the base of it again and let it fill his mouth a little more, let the weight of it sink in. Grog’s hand settled on his head almost apologetically, until he wove his fingers into this hair, pulling softly at some curls. He worked his mouth over it, working up a rhythm, speeding up, only to break it and make him throb. He hadn’t actually sucked any dick in quite some time, but, really, rhythm was rhythm, which he definitely knew. Tension and release and flow were all part of music and sex. 

As he over-confidently threatened, it didn’t take long. By the end both of his hands were twisted in Scanlan’s hair. As much as Grog liked to go out to bars with him, Scanlan didn’t think Grog didn’t actually get laid very much. Grog didn’t look so boneless from coming that he was going to lean anymore of his weight on Scanlan. Scanlan thought he was pretty tough, but he was also closer to half of Grog’s weight. 

And surprisingly, Grog grabbed a hold of Scanlan’s forearm and pulled him up to standing. Scanlan was suddenly looking him in the eye as Grog slumped a little to his height, hovering close to his face. It was suddenly and noticeably awkward and intimate. 

“Feeling better, big guy?” Scanlan tried, his voice a little fried and jaw a little ache-y. 

Grog nodded distractedly. 

“Good, well.” Scanlan reached for the door handle behind Grog’s back and twisted to the side as much as he could. “Clean yourself up. When you come back maybe you’ll be able to take a nap for the rest of the flight.” 

Scanlan snuck out in the bare amount of space and tried to compose himself a little better in the tiny corridor before their seats. Judging by the look of utter predictable disdain one of the flight attendants shot him on his way down the aisle, he guessed he was unsuccessful in looking like he hadn’t just been mouth-fucked in an airplane toilet. 

Grog came back a minute later and didn’t say anything. Scanlan was fine with that. 

Except after twenty minutes of relaxing, Grog started to tense up again. Scanlan was almost dozing, his head by Grog’s shoulder so he could feel it happening right by his cheek. 

“I’m not gonna blow you again.” 

“What?” 

Not knowing what kind of confusion and trouble it would cause later, Scanlan reached out and pried Grog’s hand off the arm rest. Usually, this was a Pike and Scanlan thing, something Scanlan found reassuring. And he figured if he actually tried to talk, Grog would just deny he was afraid of flying and refuse any other attempts to help. So without asking, Scanlan put his hand in Grog’s and locked their fingers so he couldn’t let go. 

“Stop looking out the window,” he said, leaning further on Grog’s shoulder. 

It took a long silent pause, but Grog’s shoulder eventually started to soften and relax back into the seat. “Okay,” he said, squeezing his hand back.

**Author's Note:**

> ~*~
> 
> Y'ALL LIKE THAT GROG DICK??? Honestly there could have been more, but in a different story maybe. 
> 
> find me at jabletown.tumblr.com if you want to talk about scanlan 24/7 or that grog dick
> 
> upcoming pairings, hopefully: scanlan/sybil, scanlan/vax, scanlan/zahra/pike, scanlan/gern


End file.
